I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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