I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
