you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
