What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
