My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
