I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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