He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
God I need to hump something, right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
