the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
