Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
