I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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