my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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