One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
