Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
