you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
