Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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