Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
