I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
