break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
