another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
