im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
