i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
