So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
