I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
