I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just fell off a train. Bad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
