In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
