i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
