well I can't set my house on fire every night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
