he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
