I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
