Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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