What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
