Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
