there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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