So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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