Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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