these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
