Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
