I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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