Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
