Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Found the puke drawer
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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