I could have mohawked her pubes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
