I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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