All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you win again, gameday.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
