yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
