In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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