Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
