What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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