if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
