I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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