I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dick very happy bro
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
