I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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